Things I didn't know were Things in Australia (Part Two)

A few weeks ago I shared a small list I'd been compiling of Things I had noticed that were Things here in Australia which aren't necessarily Things in the UK, last time I checked. Well, I guessed there would be a few more to add and I've finally finished putting together another small list of Things. So, without further ado...

Moth Explosions
Unfortunately this is exactly what it sounds like. A couple of months ago, I noticed there was a moth in the kitchen. Well, moths do exist, I thought to myself, and promptly forgot about it. The next day there were several more moths. That's odd, I thought, and I pointed it out to Lachy. 'Ah,' he said. 'Sometimes you get little explosions of moths in the pantry or wherever' (not verbatim). I noticed that a bag of almonds appeared to be moving. Moths were crawling around inside it. I threw it out. Fast forward two months or so and I'm eating my breakfast. Innocently I scoop up a spoonful of Weet-Bix (UK readers, you may recognise this bastardisation of Weetabix, but they are the same thing) and notice a little wriggly maggot-like thing on the table. By the end of the day the kitchen is flooded with moths. We find them in the rice. In the tea bags. Even in the cocoa powder. We throw everything out and buy plastic containers for all our new food. The last of the moth carcasses has only recently been swept away. THIS IS A THING.

Personalised Licence Plates
Look, my parents have personalised licence plates, so I'm not speaking as an impartial observer. But Australians really love their personalised licence plates. It's not just a fun thing you spot once in a while driving down the motorway. It's like a TECHNO or a DEALR or a 4D M4N is speeding past you every minute. Of course there are also innocent ones that are just people's names, but those are the ones you remember.

Jodhpur Boots
So this could just as easily be an Alex-being-behind-on-fashion thing than an Alex-in-a-foreign-land thing. Disclaimer.
You know these shoes?

I grew up wearing these because I got a pair that cost about £20 when I was nine years old and called them 'riding boots'. Alternatively, 'jodhpur boots'. Right? Because you wear them with jodhpurs while you're out tearing up the turf on your elderly pony? Here, everybody's wearing them. And they aren't getting on a horse any time soon (as far as I know). I'm sitting in Avalon Airport right now and a lady at the table next to me is wearing them. I was so confused the first time I saw a person wearing these in the city. I look at them and I see work boots. I can't get over it. Seriously. They're like super trendy.

Poached Eggs
I think this is a symptom of Melbourne's cafe culture, which I guess makes it a Melbourne Thing rather than an Australian Thing. Breakfast is a big deal in this city. Brunch, even bigger. Every menu has poached eggs on toast. You can get your eggs poached in twenty different places on Smith St (where we live). I never had a poached egg before I moved here. I didn't know what it entailed and I thought it sounded really fancy. Like they've been poached from the estate of a gentry family. Whatever. Now I eat poached eggs on toast like once a week. Poaching! It's going to catch on.

(Disclaimer: it's probably already caught on.)

Milk Crates
Again I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a Melbourne Thing. I just read a very funny article which describes Melbourne as 'the milk crate capital of the world'.

These crates are all over the city. Orange, yellow, green, blue, grey, black, etc. People use them for everything. Seats, bed frames, tables. Cafes use them. They love them. Guess what I've never seen in one of these crates? Milk. And stealing one is like a rite of passage. I found one on a street corner. No business in sight. So I took it. We found two more at a tram stop. We use them as a table for a potted plant, and as DVD storage.

That's it for the latest instalment of Things that are Things. More will appear in due course but probably slower than this as I smoothly assimilate into Australian culture...

Things I didn't know were Things in Australia

You may think 'Australia, one-time part of the British Empire, basically Britain with sunshine and surfing'. Actually you're thinking of Gibraltar (except for the surfing). It's a fair mistake. Culture shock is a real and very serious issue for Brits moving to Oz. Here are a few Things you will encounter down under that you may not have realised are Things.

U-Turns
We all know the voice of the sat-nav woman politely asking us to 'Where possible, make a U-turn'. So you find a quiet road and perform a delicate three- or five- or seven-point turn in privacy before getting back on the road. When using the roads in Australia, be on your guard at all times. Drivers have a tendency to suddenly wheel around without warning and change direction. Even on the busiest of streets, drivers insist on their right to suddenly pull a U-ie. I saw a police car do it. Just a few days ago I was nearly knocked off my bike by a minivan which suddenly decided to go the other way. Then I locked up my bike and walked to the post office and was nearly knocked over in the road by another such incident. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Rounding
Australia has moved on from the Great British Pound. As a matter of fact its notes are made of plastic, but that's an issue for another time. Australia uses dollars and cents, but doesn't have 1 or 2 cent coins. However, you can still buy things that cost $2.98. The person at the cash register might tell you that you owe $3. It gets rounded up. Okay. Well, I can kind of understand not wanting those annoying tiny coins around. But why price something $2.98? Clearly to build up dollars upon dollars of extra profit from unsuspecting tourists. Then again, if it were priced $2.96, it would be rounded down, so you'd be gaining a cent. But the real issue here is why they don't just price things in multiples of 5.

Magpies
These birds are not the cute black-and-white thieves that we know and love in the UK. I think they're very cool, but I seem to be alone in this opinion. Magpies here are black and white but they are also BIG, like seagull big (the males at least). Their song sounds like a robot trying to do an impression of a bird which is a pretty bloody cool thing to hear. However, they have been known to swoop people when they're guarding their nests. The Queensland government recommends painting large eyes on the back of your broad-brimmed hat to deter magpies. So. There's that.

The Ocean
I don't mean to generalise (can't you tell from the rest of this post?) but it sure seems like Australians love the ocean. I mean, almost the entire population lives within spitting distance of the sea. And it's not just sun and surf. Yesterday it was about ten degrees, miserably rainy and very windy, and the waves at Point Lonsdale were huge. A day to snuggle up by the fire with a good book. OR, a day to whack on a wetsuit and jump into the waves as they crash against the beach wall? Yeah? Of course. (See my video on instagram.) I don't really know what to say except on a similar day in the United Kingdom NO ONE would be getting in that water. Also, almost everyone seems to be an excellent swimmer and have a lifesaving qualification. When they say 'let's go swimming in the sea', they actually mean swimming, not just paddling. Those of us who lagged behind the class in breaststroke in weekly school swimming lessons best stick to splashing in the shallows.

Seinfeld
I actually hadn't even heard of this show before I met Lachy (the Australian responsible for this culture shock) but I'm not going to blame the UK for my sheltered existence. Everyone was obsessed with Friends in the UK, but no one ever mentioned Seinfeld to me, which is similar in being an American sitcom featuring friends. EVERYONE here loves Seinfeld. Watch it all before you come out here if you want to assimilate. I still haven't. People say to me 'you know that Seinfeld episode where Elaine...' and I'm all, 'No. You know that FRIENDS episode where Joey...'

So, that's a little intro to Things you can now be prepared for when moving to Australia. Expect a part two at some point because seriously Australia is not just sunny Britain.